Item! A tragic burial!

This just in from the uncanny holllllllleeeeeeeewooooooood newzlines: Actor Bill Pullman recently was involved in a car accident. Fortunately, the handsome and luxurious actor's face and hands were not injured. Three other people died in the crash, and will regrettably be unable to attend opening day screenings of Pullman's upcoming family drama, "A Tragic Burial", also starring Actor Rose McGowan and Actor Chris "Ludacrous" Bridges.

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Actor Debbie Moore recently broke up with her Famous Husband, Actor Bruxe Willis, over a dispute that the two had at the family thanskgiving's annual TurDuckEn dinner pot-luck post-baseball game meal finale, this year hosted by family restaurant Guarantee's Best Family Values.
The two Super-Actor's have agreed to share custody of their dog named Custody.

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Actor Ronny Howard spoke to a group of pain killer addicts about wising up and getting straight in time for the holiday seasons.
"Be you jew, muslin or christmans, you don't want to disappoint members of your family," the famous Actor pleaded in his Grammy Award-Winning Alto Voice.