Happy New Years (st)Eve (Buscemi)!

Let's wrap up a celebrated year with some celebrated news that will put you on your ear!

Item ! Actor Andrew Clay was preparing a side dish of asparagus and Hollandaise to bring to his friend's dinner party, when he accidentally spilled the majority of the hollandaise onto the floor. Fortunately, his butler "Jones" was able to clean it up before the Actor's new kitchen tiles were ruined.

Item ^! Actor Patrick "Borg" Steward was spotted sitting at a table at a disco club in Hollywood. Sources say that the Actor was nursing a bottle of vodka that had been left at the table by its previous occupants.

Item &! Actor Mark Pellegrino reportedly received a pair of leather pants as a Holiday treat from a friend. Pellegrino, who is an animal rights activist, was shocked and asked friend Actor Titus Welliver to return the pants to the leather pants store on his behalf. Pellegrino received store credit for eighty dollars, which he donated to animal rights activist group.

Gargantuan Gary Buseys Gore Gary Gygyxxxz (In Holleeeewoooooood!)

It's millenium madness on the island of Monster Talents. Fortunately, we are the Roland Emmerich's of capturing celebrity magic!


Item #1! Actor Jared Leno topped his 2007 stunt of gaining weight for a role in a film by participating in Olive Garden's Unlimited Soup, Salad and Breadsticks and gaining even more weight!

Item B! Actor Hillary "Bill" Clinton was recently spotted in Cancun judging a "Summer Thongs and Knockers" bikini contest. He was the middle judge, between Actor Sammy Hagar and Actor Joe Francis.

Final Item! Actor Billy Bob Thornson posed for a painting by esteemed Canadian Artist Timothy St. Rogers. In the portrait, the Actor can be seen wearing a cowboy hat and large, denim pants.

Item!

Actor Johnny Deep was sitting in a hospital waiting room near a room in which Actor Julia Styles gave birth to her fourth consecutive child!

Do They Know It's Christmass (IN HOLLLEEEEWWWWOOOOOOODDDD!)

Seasonal greetings, from your friends in Holllllleeeeeeewoooood! While most of your favorite stars eschew the Christmas spirit in favor of other religious pursuits, we've got some Jingle Bell Rockin' stories about some celebrated Christian and Non-Christian actors, in honor of this, a day of wintertime gaiety.

Item #A! Actor Joe Hamm was seen volunteering at a Homeless Shelter on Christmay. For one homeless with bad motor skills, Hamm cut a piece of turkey meat into smaller bites, so that the homeless could more easily put it into his mouth.

Item # Middle! Actor Star Jones was spotted riding up and down in an elevator at a medical building in Los Alamitos. When asked about it by a star-struck fan who had walked into the elevator, the Actor explained that she had arrived forty-five minutes early for her appointment with a podiatrist and was "killing time."

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver recently went on a second date with a girl he had met while trying on sweaters. Sources close to the Actor say that Welliver used his natural charm to get to Third Base while parked behind a Red Lobster Restaurant!

This Site Officially Has More Visitors than Times Actor Lindsay Lohan Visited Chuckie Cheese as a Child

That's right! Holleeeeewwooooooodddd NNeeeeeeewwwwwwz has hit the big time! Incidentally, here are some news stories about some big timers!

Item A! Actor Leighton Meester was spotted whale watching off the coast of Rhode Island. The Actor had commissioned a private boat and its captain to treat herself and four of her best friends (Actor Patrcia Arquette, Actor Glenn Cloes, Actor Jason Bateman, and Actor Dakota Fanning) to the day at sea.

Item Middle! An identified source has spilled the news that Actor Sean William Scott recently adopted a dog that had been abandoned by its owner last week. The dog's name is Chubby, but the source suggested that Scott had been considering renaming the terrier.

Item #3! Actor Titus Welliver made an improvement to his favorite grilled cheese sandwich recipe, with the addition of a slice of an heirloom tomato. The trick, says the Actor, is to add the tomato after grilling the sandwich!

Don't Snooze Through this Newzzzzz!

Wake up and smell the celebrated items from the bestest City in the Westest! (Holleeewoood!) These items will go down great with french vanilla flavored coffee and low fat croissant!

First Item! Actor Beau Bridges checked himself into an unidentified rehab center to deal with his addiction to pain killer "Tylenol". His medical team has scheduled a press conference to address the issue tomorrow morning. More on this story as it develops...

Item #B! Superstar/Actor David Boreanaz was carrying a white trash bag filled with old clothes to his local charity thrift store, located in Beverly Hills! Sometimes, it takes a big heart to pump talented blood through a handsome body!

Item 3! Actor Ron Howard celebrated Hannukah by lighting a candled menorah with Jewish Actor Leonard Nimoy. The two sang Hebrew prayers before exchanging gifts. Howard gave Nimoy a "Chia Pet" shaped like Shrek, from the Shrek film series.

You Don't Need a Coupon for this Gossip Store!

The price of our news is so low, we can beat the majority of other gossipers. That's because we don't charge you anything to read our exciting stories, like these three!

Item #1! Actor John "Quiz Show" Turturro recently turned down an inexpensively priced windshield washing while waiting at the intersection of Silverlake and Sunset!

Item B! Actor Trent Reznik ordered a colorful parrot from a catalogue that specializes in shipping rare birds out of third world jungles and into the homes of rich Americans.

Last Item! Actor Mark Pellegrino joined a gym, after realizing that he had put on weight during the Holiday Season!

Stars Shine Brighter During A "Twilight: Eclipse"

The moon is gone tonight, but the twinkling never stops here in Holleeeeewooood! Read on, and make a wish if you spot one falling in front of a club on Sunset Blvd!

Item #A! Actor Courtney Cox Arquette was spotted getting a Pac Man arcade machine tattooed on her left wrist. On the other wrist? You guessed it! Joust!

Item # Middle! Sources close to Actor Barry Bostwick have revealed that the actor has recently lost fourteen pounds on the Atkins Diet. The sources outlined the diet, saying that it discourages the eating of breads, oatmeals, cookie bars and other foods high in carbohydrates! Kudos to Botswick!

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver mistakenly purchased a pair of Nike "Airdunk" Sneakers at a a DSW Shoe Outlet store in the Westminster mall. The mistake was not the a mix up in the style of the shoes, which were a tasteful baby blue with tan/orange highlights, but the fact that they were in fact one half size too large.

Booze, Broads and Bullet Points (About Celebrities)

Following the recent death of famed Celebrity Guru Bill Paxton, this is a grim time for Holleeeeeeeewwoooood. Hopefully, these stories can break the ice and lighten the tension around here.

Item First! Actor Tem Sellick was scammed by the infamous "Bonus Burger" scam, in which patty shaped mounds of shredded cardboard are frozen and sold as raw ground ground beef. Sources indicate that the Actor's Holiday barbecue was "almost ruined."

Item 2! Actor William "Bill" Cosby reluctantly signed an autograph for fans while attending a Baltimore Orioles baseball game with his children.

Item C! According to Actor Eminem's new bestselling self-help memoir, he overcame his life-altering manic-depression by sticking to an exclusive air-popped corn diet. The Actor recommends sprinkling a variety of herbs and seasonings onto the kernels to change their flavor from time to time.

Grand Canyon-Style Wide Mouth Celebrity Gossips!

Take a family vacation to Holllllleeeeeeeeeeewoooooood, home of celebrities and the reporters that cover their interesting lives! Surprise! You've already arrived!

Item A! Actor Roger Federer was spotted struggling with a change machine at a laundromat near his home in rural Idaho. The Actor apparently had several expensive shirts which had been stained with olive oil after an ill-fated attempt to cook Italian food.

Middle Item! Actor Robert D. Niro told sources that he is considering making a donation to a charity that treats children who suffer from chronic shivers, regardless of what the temperature is. The charity, called Shakes-Be-Gone, was founded by superstar Musician Darryl Hall, of band Supertramp.

Item #3! Actor Titus Welliver reportedly took a tumble down a flight of stairs, after his friend, Actor Marc Pellegrino, "double" dared him to drink a beer while hopping on one foot. Medical officials released a statement saying that Welliver only suffered from minor cuts and one small bruise.

Selling off Celebrity Wares and Underwares!

It's a going out of business sale of celebrity gossip stories! All Items must go, and we can only assure you that each is either a humdinger or a doozy! Catalogue below!

First Item! Actor Ryan "Wrap" Reynolds recently spoke before a class of graduating high school juniors in Al Hambra. The topic of his lecture was proper feng shui for the home and automobile.

Item #2! Actor Liam Neeeson was spotted changing the tire of his Nissan Altima on the side of the 710 freeway. Neeson, who had forgotten to pay his monthly AAA bill for the third time this year, was forced to rely on the skills he obtained pretending to change a tire for a scene in "The Piano".

Item C! Actor Marc Pellegrino proudly displayed his collection of collectible comic book cups, produced by 7-11 stores in the 1970's, to the camera crew and host of MTV's "Celebrity Cribs." According to the Actor, the standout of his collection features the Incredible Hulk playing a banjo in a Kansas cornfield.

Stars Cluttering The Night Sky!

Have our readers ever seen a shooting star? Not unless they have been to the firing range in Downtown Los Angeles with Actor Michael Douglas! We were there earlier tonight, and can honestly admit that the son of Actor Frederick Douglass has impeccable aim!

Item A! Actor Johnny Deep reportedly demanded that a servant in his home remake a dish of eggs and green onions after dropping a cast iron skillet containing the food onto a clean tile floor. More on this story as it develops.

Item 2! Actor Julio Roberts reportedly paid a cab driver to drive her to a destination three (3) blocks from her original location.

Last Item! Actor David Boreanaz sent flowers to the teacher of his daughter in 2nd grade, in honor of International Teachers Appreciation Day. His daughter's name? Lovely Boreanaz!

Item!

Actor Richard Gere reportedly visited an internet cobbling website to learn how to repair the worn sole of his favorite pair of loafers.

Stars Beyond Borders!

If any of our readers support the struggle of our greatest national treasure, Holleeeeeeeeewooooooooood celebrities, please donate to this blog's charity fund, which provides job training for out of work actors. On to the newzzzzzz!

Item A! Actor Keanu Reeves and his band Dogstar have recently announced plans to perform the entirety of their classic album, "Our Little Visionary" on three January nights at Los Angeleses Peter Fonda Theater.

Item 2! Actor Alex Baldwin quickly devoured a "Filly" cheese steak sandwich as a guest on Food Network's "Best Thing I Ever Ate" television program.

Last Item! Actor Titus Welliver was recently treated to a surprise birthday party, hosted by friend Actor Marc Pellegrino. Sources close to the actors say that the surprise was ruined shortly before the party due to the "loose lips" of Actor Elizabeth Mitchell.

Celebrity Hijinks Take Manhattan!

Today's stories are linked by their proximity to Holleeewoooooood'z proximity to our golden, famous-friend soaked sister city, the glorious city of Manhattan! Fun fact- Holleeeeeeewooooooooood and Manhattan are in the same hemispheres!

Item #1! According to an identified source on the set of a studio in Burbank, Actor David Boreanaz was overheard giving this tidbit of actorly advice to up and coming Actor Emma Stane: "Please wipe the mayonnaise off of the bread of the turkey sandwich before you eat it, because mayonnaise is loaded with fats, oils, and carbohydrates."

Middle Item! Actor Bruce "Goldy" Willis was spotted trying out beds at a bed store in Torrance. Willis apparently asked a teenaged employee about the size of a bed that was described as "very soft looking." The Actor reportedly inquired about a monthly payment plan.

Item C! At a press conference held at his home in San Fernando Valley, Actor Nathan Lane announced his intention to drive across the continental United States in a refurnished classic 1985 Buick Skylark. When asked by a reporter why he had decided to exclude Hawaii and Alaska, Lane explained that he was uneasy about the Pacific Ocean and several parts of Canada.

Gravy Boats Featuring Actor Kate Winslet and Actor Billy Zane!

Thanksgiving time is coming soon! Give thanks for the talent of Holleeeewoooddz most famous actors for blessing us with their gifts!

Item A! Actor Jay Z fed the scraps of a three thousand dollar steak dinner to his beloved Pekinese named Marbles.

Middle item ! Actor David Duchovny was the recent recipient of a medical operation that removed his incisors and replaced them with vampire fangs.

Item 3! Actor Gwen Paltrow purchased a shirt at a boutique in Beverly Hills featuring the likeness of Actor Gene Rodenberry! A Star Trak fan, Ms. Paltrow? Who knew? (Certainly we do now!)

Actor Time Sizmore Ate A Hamburger Here!

Yes, this is the blog that he stopped to eat a roadside burger at. Crisp fried onions, homemade catsup, top notchly freshed tomatoes, and pure celebrity gossip. Let's begin!

First Item! Actor Gregor E. Hines spent thirteen hours playing Video Game Mega Man X 2. His natural rhythmic abilities allowed him to find several key extracurricular items including the Dodgem Helmet and the Ponciful Perch.

Item 2! Actor Dennis Hopper was seen at Griffith Park Observatory directing German tourists into an earthen cellar, at which point he explained to them the benefits of a cellular telephone carrier.

Item C! Actor Titus Welliver recently solved a game of Clue, claiming that Professor Plum carried out a murder using a lead pipe in the Library, during a game played at home with friends Actor Marc Pellegrino and Actor Evangeline Lily.

Item!

Actor Woody Harrelbson ordered a panini of mozzarella and prosciutto at an Italian restaurant.

"Grampa Why is John Travolta Digging Through Our Trashcan?"

You heard it here first, readers! Actor John Travolta, star of "Michael" and "Phenomenon" is an ace ruiner of hollywood celebrations. Now, on to some more positive gossipy tidbits.

First Item! According to Actor Brandon "Supermacho" Routh's agents, the actor was offered a role in a commercial for snack food Bugles, but turned down the offer due to concerns about the direction of the script.

Item B! Actor Blake Lilely was spotted removing the names of several people from her cellular telephone's address book in a crazed fury. Sources close to the actor told Holleewood Newz that Lilely was only menstruating, and should be back to normal in two to three days.

Item #3! Actor Titus Welliver was surprised recently, after his friend, Actor Marc Pellegrino, handed him a can of peanuts that actually contained spring-loaded fake snakes.

The Stars Are Aligned!

It's a total solar eclipse of talent tonight, here in Holleeeeewooooood. In fact, tourists are barely able to see the Holleeeeeeeeeewoooooood sign, due to the shimmering brightness. Better book another trip, fellows!

Item at the beginning! Sources close to Actor Huge Ackman say that he booked a room on a Carnival Cruise Line traveling to Encinitas, Mexico, but cancelled the trip after hearing about the recent troubles that the country is having with drugs and the people who deal them. The sources confirm that the actor had only purchased the tickets because he got a very reasonable rate on popular booking Website Travelocity.

Item #B! Actor Jude Law was spotted playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Fault Line on a Playstation at his home in Malibu, California. Reports indicate that a bowl of tortilla chips was nearby on a coffee table.

Item 3! Actor Marc Pellegrino recently opened a new checking account at Chase Bank, enticed by the offer of no annual payments and the promise of a free checkbook at the start of each new calendar year.