Happy New Years (st)Eve (Buscemi)!

Let's wrap up a celebrated year with some celebrated news that will put you on your ear!

Item ! Actor Andrew Clay was preparing a side dish of asparagus and Hollandaise to bring to his friend's dinner party, when he accidentally spilled the majority of the hollandaise onto the floor. Fortunately, his butler "Jones" was able to clean it up before the Actor's new kitchen tiles were ruined.

Item ^! Actor Patrick "Borg" Steward was spotted sitting at a table at a disco club in Hollywood. Sources say that the Actor was nursing a bottle of vodka that had been left at the table by its previous occupants.

Item &! Actor Mark Pellegrino reportedly received a pair of leather pants as a Holiday treat from a friend. Pellegrino, who is an animal rights activist, was shocked and asked friend Actor Titus Welliver to return the pants to the leather pants store on his behalf. Pellegrino received store credit for eighty dollars, which he donated to animal rights activist group.

Gargantuan Gary Buseys Gore Gary Gygyxxxz (In Holleeeewoooooood!)

It's millenium madness on the island of Monster Talents. Fortunately, we are the Roland Emmerich's of capturing celebrity magic!


Item #1! Actor Jared Leno topped his 2007 stunt of gaining weight for a role in a film by participating in Olive Garden's Unlimited Soup, Salad and Breadsticks and gaining even more weight!

Item B! Actor Hillary "Bill" Clinton was recently spotted in Cancun judging a "Summer Thongs and Knockers" bikini contest. He was the middle judge, between Actor Sammy Hagar and Actor Joe Francis.

Final Item! Actor Billy Bob Thornson posed for a painting by esteemed Canadian Artist Timothy St. Rogers. In the portrait, the Actor can be seen wearing a cowboy hat and large, denim pants.

Item!

Actor Johnny Deep was sitting in a hospital waiting room near a room in which Actor Julia Styles gave birth to her fourth consecutive child!

Do They Know It's Christmass (IN HOLLLEEEEWWWWOOOOOOODDDD!)

Seasonal greetings, from your friends in Holllllleeeeeeewoooood! While most of your favorite stars eschew the Christmas spirit in favor of other religious pursuits, we've got some Jingle Bell Rockin' stories about some celebrated Christian and Non-Christian actors, in honor of this, a day of wintertime gaiety.

Item #A! Actor Joe Hamm was seen volunteering at a Homeless Shelter on Christmay. For one homeless with bad motor skills, Hamm cut a piece of turkey meat into smaller bites, so that the homeless could more easily put it into his mouth.

Item # Middle! Actor Star Jones was spotted riding up and down in an elevator at a medical building in Los Alamitos. When asked about it by a star-struck fan who had walked into the elevator, the Actor explained that she had arrived forty-five minutes early for her appointment with a podiatrist and was "killing time."

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver recently went on a second date with a girl he had met while trying on sweaters. Sources close to the Actor say that Welliver used his natural charm to get to Third Base while parked behind a Red Lobster Restaurant!

This Site Officially Has More Visitors than Times Actor Lindsay Lohan Visited Chuckie Cheese as a Child

That's right! Holleeeeewwooooooodddd NNeeeeeeewwwwwwz has hit the big time! Incidentally, here are some news stories about some big timers!

Item A! Actor Leighton Meester was spotted whale watching off the coast of Rhode Island. The Actor had commissioned a private boat and its captain to treat herself and four of her best friends (Actor Patrcia Arquette, Actor Glenn Cloes, Actor Jason Bateman, and Actor Dakota Fanning) to the day at sea.

Item Middle! An identified source has spilled the news that Actor Sean William Scott recently adopted a dog that had been abandoned by its owner last week. The dog's name is Chubby, but the source suggested that Scott had been considering renaming the terrier.

Item #3! Actor Titus Welliver made an improvement to his favorite grilled cheese sandwich recipe, with the addition of a slice of an heirloom tomato. The trick, says the Actor, is to add the tomato after grilling the sandwich!

Don't Snooze Through this Newzzzzz!

Wake up and smell the celebrated items from the bestest City in the Westest! (Holleeewoood!) These items will go down great with french vanilla flavored coffee and low fat croissant!

First Item! Actor Beau Bridges checked himself into an unidentified rehab center to deal with his addiction to pain killer "Tylenol". His medical team has scheduled a press conference to address the issue tomorrow morning. More on this story as it develops...

Item #B! Superstar/Actor David Boreanaz was carrying a white trash bag filled with old clothes to his local charity thrift store, located in Beverly Hills! Sometimes, it takes a big heart to pump talented blood through a handsome body!

Item 3! Actor Ron Howard celebrated Hannukah by lighting a candled menorah with Jewish Actor Leonard Nimoy. The two sang Hebrew prayers before exchanging gifts. Howard gave Nimoy a "Chia Pet" shaped like Shrek, from the Shrek film series.

You Don't Need a Coupon for this Gossip Store!

The price of our news is so low, we can beat the majority of other gossipers. That's because we don't charge you anything to read our exciting stories, like these three!

Item #1! Actor John "Quiz Show" Turturro recently turned down an inexpensively priced windshield washing while waiting at the intersection of Silverlake and Sunset!

Item B! Actor Trent Reznik ordered a colorful parrot from a catalogue that specializes in shipping rare birds out of third world jungles and into the homes of rich Americans.

Last Item! Actor Mark Pellegrino joined a gym, after realizing that he had put on weight during the Holiday Season!

Stars Shine Brighter During A "Twilight: Eclipse"

The moon is gone tonight, but the twinkling never stops here in Holleeeeewooood! Read on, and make a wish if you spot one falling in front of a club on Sunset Blvd!

Item #A! Actor Courtney Cox Arquette was spotted getting a Pac Man arcade machine tattooed on her left wrist. On the other wrist? You guessed it! Joust!

Item # Middle! Sources close to Actor Barry Bostwick have revealed that the actor has recently lost fourteen pounds on the Atkins Diet. The sources outlined the diet, saying that it discourages the eating of breads, oatmeals, cookie bars and other foods high in carbohydrates! Kudos to Botswick!

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver mistakenly purchased a pair of Nike "Airdunk" Sneakers at a a DSW Shoe Outlet store in the Westminster mall. The mistake was not the a mix up in the style of the shoes, which were a tasteful baby blue with tan/orange highlights, but the fact that they were in fact one half size too large.

Booze, Broads and Bullet Points (About Celebrities)

Following the recent death of famed Celebrity Guru Bill Paxton, this is a grim time for Holleeeeeeeewwoooood. Hopefully, these stories can break the ice and lighten the tension around here.

Item First! Actor Tem Sellick was scammed by the infamous "Bonus Burger" scam, in which patty shaped mounds of shredded cardboard are frozen and sold as raw ground ground beef. Sources indicate that the Actor's Holiday barbecue was "almost ruined."

Item 2! Actor William "Bill" Cosby reluctantly signed an autograph for fans while attending a Baltimore Orioles baseball game with his children.

Item C! According to Actor Eminem's new bestselling self-help memoir, he overcame his life-altering manic-depression by sticking to an exclusive air-popped corn diet. The Actor recommends sprinkling a variety of herbs and seasonings onto the kernels to change their flavor from time to time.

Grand Canyon-Style Wide Mouth Celebrity Gossips!

Take a family vacation to Holllllleeeeeeeeeeewoooooood, home of celebrities and the reporters that cover their interesting lives! Surprise! You've already arrived!

Item A! Actor Roger Federer was spotted struggling with a change machine at a laundromat near his home in rural Idaho. The Actor apparently had several expensive shirts which had been stained with olive oil after an ill-fated attempt to cook Italian food.

Middle Item! Actor Robert D. Niro told sources that he is considering making a donation to a charity that treats children who suffer from chronic shivers, regardless of what the temperature is. The charity, called Shakes-Be-Gone, was founded by superstar Musician Darryl Hall, of band Supertramp.

Item #3! Actor Titus Welliver reportedly took a tumble down a flight of stairs, after his friend, Actor Marc Pellegrino, "double" dared him to drink a beer while hopping on one foot. Medical officials released a statement saying that Welliver only suffered from minor cuts and one small bruise.

Selling off Celebrity Wares and Underwares!

It's a going out of business sale of celebrity gossip stories! All Items must go, and we can only assure you that each is either a humdinger or a doozy! Catalogue below!

First Item! Actor Ryan "Wrap" Reynolds recently spoke before a class of graduating high school juniors in Al Hambra. The topic of his lecture was proper feng shui for the home and automobile.

Item #2! Actor Liam Neeeson was spotted changing the tire of his Nissan Altima on the side of the 710 freeway. Neeson, who had forgotten to pay his monthly AAA bill for the third time this year, was forced to rely on the skills he obtained pretending to change a tire for a scene in "The Piano".

Item C! Actor Marc Pellegrino proudly displayed his collection of collectible comic book cups, produced by 7-11 stores in the 1970's, to the camera crew and host of MTV's "Celebrity Cribs." According to the Actor, the standout of his collection features the Incredible Hulk playing a banjo in a Kansas cornfield.

Stars Cluttering The Night Sky!

Have our readers ever seen a shooting star? Not unless they have been to the firing range in Downtown Los Angeles with Actor Michael Douglas! We were there earlier tonight, and can honestly admit that the son of Actor Frederick Douglass has impeccable aim!

Item A! Actor Johnny Deep reportedly demanded that a servant in his home remake a dish of eggs and green onions after dropping a cast iron skillet containing the food onto a clean tile floor. More on this story as it develops.

Item 2! Actor Julio Roberts reportedly paid a cab driver to drive her to a destination three (3) blocks from her original location.

Last Item! Actor David Boreanaz sent flowers to the teacher of his daughter in 2nd grade, in honor of International Teachers Appreciation Day. His daughter's name? Lovely Boreanaz!

Item!

Actor Richard Gere reportedly visited an internet cobbling website to learn how to repair the worn sole of his favorite pair of loafers.

Stars Beyond Borders!

If any of our readers support the struggle of our greatest national treasure, Holleeeeeeeeewooooooooood celebrities, please donate to this blog's charity fund, which provides job training for out of work actors. On to the newzzzzzz!

Item A! Actor Keanu Reeves and his band Dogstar have recently announced plans to perform the entirety of their classic album, "Our Little Visionary" on three January nights at Los Angeleses Peter Fonda Theater.

Item 2! Actor Alex Baldwin quickly devoured a "Filly" cheese steak sandwich as a guest on Food Network's "Best Thing I Ever Ate" television program.

Last Item! Actor Titus Welliver was recently treated to a surprise birthday party, hosted by friend Actor Marc Pellegrino. Sources close to the actors say that the surprise was ruined shortly before the party due to the "loose lips" of Actor Elizabeth Mitchell.

Celebrity Hijinks Take Manhattan!

Today's stories are linked by their proximity to Holleeewoooooood'z proximity to our golden, famous-friend soaked sister city, the glorious city of Manhattan! Fun fact- Holleeeeeeewooooooooood and Manhattan are in the same hemispheres!

Item #1! According to an identified source on the set of a studio in Burbank, Actor David Boreanaz was overheard giving this tidbit of actorly advice to up and coming Actor Emma Stane: "Please wipe the mayonnaise off of the bread of the turkey sandwich before you eat it, because mayonnaise is loaded with fats, oils, and carbohydrates."

Middle Item! Actor Bruce "Goldy" Willis was spotted trying out beds at a bed store in Torrance. Willis apparently asked a teenaged employee about the size of a bed that was described as "very soft looking." The Actor reportedly inquired about a monthly payment plan.

Item C! At a press conference held at his home in San Fernando Valley, Actor Nathan Lane announced his intention to drive across the continental United States in a refurnished classic 1985 Buick Skylark. When asked by a reporter why he had decided to exclude Hawaii and Alaska, Lane explained that he was uneasy about the Pacific Ocean and several parts of Canada.

Gravy Boats Featuring Actor Kate Winslet and Actor Billy Zane!

Thanksgiving time is coming soon! Give thanks for the talent of Holleeeewoooddz most famous actors for blessing us with their gifts!

Item A! Actor Jay Z fed the scraps of a three thousand dollar steak dinner to his beloved Pekinese named Marbles.

Middle item ! Actor David Duchovny was the recent recipient of a medical operation that removed his incisors and replaced them with vampire fangs.

Item 3! Actor Gwen Paltrow purchased a shirt at a boutique in Beverly Hills featuring the likeness of Actor Gene Rodenberry! A Star Trak fan, Ms. Paltrow? Who knew? (Certainly we do now!)

Actor Time Sizmore Ate A Hamburger Here!

Yes, this is the blog that he stopped to eat a roadside burger at. Crisp fried onions, homemade catsup, top notchly freshed tomatoes, and pure celebrity gossip. Let's begin!

First Item! Actor Gregor E. Hines spent thirteen hours playing Video Game Mega Man X 2. His natural rhythmic abilities allowed him to find several key extracurricular items including the Dodgem Helmet and the Ponciful Perch.

Item 2! Actor Dennis Hopper was seen at Griffith Park Observatory directing German tourists into an earthen cellar, at which point he explained to them the benefits of a cellular telephone carrier.

Item C! Actor Titus Welliver recently solved a game of Clue, claiming that Professor Plum carried out a murder using a lead pipe in the Library, during a game played at home with friends Actor Marc Pellegrino and Actor Evangeline Lily.

Item!

Actor Woody Harrelbson ordered a panini of mozzarella and prosciutto at an Italian restaurant.

"Grampa Why is John Travolta Digging Through Our Trashcan?"

You heard it here first, readers! Actor John Travolta, star of "Michael" and "Phenomenon" is an ace ruiner of hollywood celebrations. Now, on to some more positive gossipy tidbits.

First Item! According to Actor Brandon "Supermacho" Routh's agents, the actor was offered a role in a commercial for snack food Bugles, but turned down the offer due to concerns about the direction of the script.

Item B! Actor Blake Lilely was spotted removing the names of several people from her cellular telephone's address book in a crazed fury. Sources close to the actor told Holleewood Newz that Lilely was only menstruating, and should be back to normal in two to three days.

Item #3! Actor Titus Welliver was surprised recently, after his friend, Actor Marc Pellegrino, handed him a can of peanuts that actually contained spring-loaded fake snakes.

The Stars Are Aligned!

It's a total solar eclipse of talent tonight, here in Holleeeeewooooood. In fact, tourists are barely able to see the Holleeeeeeeeeewoooooood sign, due to the shimmering brightness. Better book another trip, fellows!

Item at the beginning! Sources close to Actor Huge Ackman say that he booked a room on a Carnival Cruise Line traveling to Encinitas, Mexico, but cancelled the trip after hearing about the recent troubles that the country is having with drugs and the people who deal them. The sources confirm that the actor had only purchased the tickets because he got a very reasonable rate on popular booking Website Travelocity.

Item #B! Actor Jude Law was spotted playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Fault Line on a Playstation at his home in Malibu, California. Reports indicate that a bowl of tortilla chips was nearby on a coffee table.

Item 3! Actor Marc Pellegrino recently opened a new checking account at Chase Bank, enticed by the offer of no annual payments and the promise of a free checkbook at the start of each new calendar year.

Bright Lights, Tight Sights and White Flights (In Hollleeewooood)

We can't vouch for the quality of the neighborhoods here in Celebrityville (though the word is that they are pretty good), but either way, you'll want to stick around Holleeeewoood Newz for the latest in celebrated stories!

Item A! Actor Owen "Luke" Wilson was reprimanded by mall security for stealing a pair of Pants from J. Crew. The actor was wearing the Pants at the time of his confrontation with mall security, having left his ratty cargo shorts in the store's dressing room, and was escorted off of the premises wearing his plaid boxer shorts, a blue t-shirt, and brown loafers.

Item Middle! Actor Justin Beiber released a video Christmas list for his fans, urging them to send items from the list to a P.O. Box in Rhode Island. Topping the list? You guessed it, a DVD box set of television's Rubicon, starring Actor James Badge Dale!

Item #3! Sources in the organization supporting Actor Julia Styles say that she has taken up a new Hobby! As of three months ago, she had never put needle to yarn, but she is reportedly a stitching queen, sending yellow and green striped afghans to many of her family members and close friends. Professional Knitting Expert Julio Goldstein has told Holleeeeewoooood Newzz that knitting can be a "relaxing" experience, done "in the home and also while travelling." Keep it up Julia!

The Clock Says it is Gossip O'Clock

Holleeewooood Newzz readers have no doubt been counting the seconds since the last hot burst of projectile gossip. Thankfully, the trains will be on schedule, and so will news about the exciting lives of the sensational stars and starettes!

Item A! Preacher Harold Parsons gave a sermon at his church, the 2nd Methodist Church of San Pedro, criticizing the off-camera behavior of Actor Matt Damon, who reportedly did not tip a pizza delivery boy from Pizza Chain Papa Johns. Parsons said that it was positively unChristian of the actor to ask additional services of the worker without adequate compensation, referring to the fact that the delivery boy was carrying a pizza "heavy on the meats".

Item 2! Actor Edward James Olmos was spotted lying on his back in a grassy meadow, identifying shapes in the clouds above him with his friend, Actor Tom Sizemore.

Item Finale! Sources say that Actor Robert Dennys, Jr. will reprise his "Iron Man" role in an upcoming documentary about the creation of the National Parks Service. More on this story as it develops....

Item!

Actor Jeff Bridges was spotted at a pizza restaurant attempting to put chicken bones back into boneless buffalo wings.

Big Changes For Tom's Cruise Line!

There is a wave of celebrity gossip crashing into the hull of the S.S. Talented and Handsome, also known as Actor Tom Cruise. He was spotted digging a large and deep hole in an isolated section of the Angeles National Forest at approximately four in the morning. Studying for a role? Hopefully so, because Cruise is reliably excellent in his films! On to today's items!

Item 1! While speaking at a conference for underutilized house wives, Actor Wesly Snipes discussed his recent difficulties with riding roller coasters at amusement parks. He described himself as "too quick to become nauseas," and criticized the "tricky" design of many of the more modern coasters.

Item B! Actor Anna Torv was seen returning a gift to the customer service department at Nordstrom's Department Store. Sources close to the Actor say that she was returning a pan she had received as a gift that was not as good as the pan that she already owned.

Last Item! Actor Bruce Willis considered investing in Professional Hockey Team the Kings, before realizing that hockey is not very popular.

Have You Had Dinner Today!

Don't be a person about being skinny! The following is a list of foods that your favorite people eat. It is in fact a list of some of their favorite foods. Believe it!

Actor Angelinie Joliee- Pistachios without the shells

Actor Moira Tierny-Macoroni with cheese and also hot peppers

Actor Ryan Reynold- Beef jerky sticks

Director Steven Soderberg-Salad with pears

Actor Charles Sheene- Pork chops and applesauce

Actor David Boreanaz- Perfect baby cucumbers

Actor Titus Welliver- Pickles with yellow mustard and salami

Blake Lively Can Eat a Gossip Boy!

Chuck Base and his scarves are great, Taylor Momsin is superfine for a date, but only Holleewood Newz can lay claim to the title of reigning gossiper. Here are some stories that are fresher than the storylines in their show's most recent season.

Item Numero Uno! Actor Beyonce Child inherited a ceramic pigeon from her beloved auntie. The trinket, which is valued upwards of seventy dollars, was accidentally left at the bottom of a cluttered cabinet by the pop songstress, and after a a brief and unsuccessful search for the inherited heirloom, she assumed that she had accidentally thrown it away and gave up the search.

Item in the middle! Actor Billy Bob Thornton recommended a hairstyling salon to fellow Bald Actor Damon Wayans. According to sources, the two discussed the issue over several venti cappucinos at an identified Starbucks.

Item C! Actor Titus Welliver successfully got the phone number of the floor manager of a Sears Department store, after asking her to help him pick out a new wool sweater. Though she initially failed to recognize him from his countless celebrity roles, she was eventually won over by the actor's natural charm and good looks. The two have reportedly agreed to get alcoholic drinks sometime in the coming week. More on this story as it develops...

Gobble Gobble Gobble Your Gossip Gossip Gossip!

A lot of people likely ate turkeys today, but let's hope that there is still room for stuffing, because this is some celebrity stuffing freshly removed from the cooked turkey that is Hollywood. Let's get to it!

First Item! Actor Ian Holm spent forty dollars at a Del Taco restaurant in Torrance, after seeing a homeless man that looked like he could use thirty-eight Breakfast Burritos.

Item B! Actor Sean "Daddio" Combs released a new solo record on his label, B.I.G. Boi records. The album contains a song about Combs's golf course related injury and his subsequent visits to a chiropractor named Dr. Harold Price.

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver took an incorrect step while walking down an outdoor staircase during a recent photoshoot at the Museum of Modern Times for GQ magazine. Though cameras caught his fall, the actor arranged to purchase all the photos of the incident in order to spare his fans the unpleasantness of seeing him crack a rib on a metal railing. Shortly after completing the shoot, Welliver was spotted sharing hilarious anecdotes about growing up wealthy with members of the production crew.

Item!

Actor Channing Tatum was spotted having sexual intercourse in the bedroom of his large house in Malibu!

Your Famous Friends Are Here Once Again

Can you guess which of the following gossip stories are completely fantastic? (If you guessed all three of them, you'd be absolutely correct! Read on!)

Item A! Actor Rupert Grint was spotted in a local Ralph's Grocery Store trying to decide which of two honeydew melons was the ripest. After realizing that he did not possess enough knowledge about produce to decide for himself, he used his smartphone to look up techniques for spotting good fruit on the internet.

Middle Item! Actor Boy George visited his nephew in prison, after receiving a letter from him. George brought his nephew several magazines in order to the pass the time while he serves a sentence for doing what Actor Mickey Rourke did in a movie that was released in 1987.

Item C! Actor Michael Douglass, Actor Leighton Meester, and Actor Mark Pellegrino attended a charity benefit for grape farmers who were affected by a recent flood in Portugal. According to attendees, Meester drank enough wine at the event to effectively negate the benefits brought on by her appearance as a Celebrity.

Big Timers from the Walk of Fame

Can you believe all these celebrities in this town? It's hard to walk into a public library without seeing somebody famous doing something embarrassing in one of those desolate aisles of books! At least they're reading!

Item 1! At the recent American Popular Arts and Entertainment Award Show (aka the Natashas), an award for Best Onscreen Wink was given to category winner Actor Seth Rogan. Unfortunately, he was unable to accept the trophy because he was visiting his girlfriend in Canada. In his place, Actor Seth Green accepted the award, and while standing at the podium, Green imitated Rogan's trademark "How you doin'?" catch phrase to the delight of the audience. The moment was captured by the many studio cameras focused on the stage, and broadcast to hundreds of American viewers.

Item B! According to close friends, Actor Reeses Witherspoon gave birth to a healthy baby boy, her second this year. While in the hospital, she decided with Hubby Ryan Phillips that the boy's name would be Austin, after the city she had planned to spend her summer vacation in before realizing that she was pregnant.

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver offered to prepare Actor Mark Pellegrino a breakfast of waffles with butter and syrup. Upon realizing that his wife had taken the waffle iron with her in the divorce, Welliver quickly decided to make pancakes so that the batter he had already prepared did not go to waste. Inside sources say that Pellegrino was not upset at the unannounced switch, and was simply happy that his friend made the effort to cook.

God Coming Correct with the Fiery Gossip

Today's celebrity news items are holier than thou, holier than thine, and holier than thad. Say your prayers before reading it, because the excitement just might kill you!

Item A! Actor Jared Padelecki reconnected with Gilmore Girls Starlet Alexis Bliedel, after realizing that his attempt to follow a stranger home from a bar was foiled by the fact that he had known his intended target for several years. (Bleidel reportedly wore a hat that night, and Padelecki has admitted in previous interviews that he is confused by hats.) Padelecki and Bliedel spoke for several minutes, before Bliedel pretended to answer a phone call and excused herself from the dark alley in which she had been approached by Padelecki.

Middle Item! Actor Denzel Washington was recently spotted in New York City, and sources say that it was his first time visiting the Great Apple. While in town, the actor posed for a photograph in which he appears to be pointing at the Statue of Liberty's breasts. The photograph was apparently taken by Washington's friend.

Item #3! Actor Mariah Carey is currently lost in the Del Amo mall, searching for the Dairy Queen. More on this story as it develops...

Item!

Actor John Goodmen ate a large bowl of Honey Bunches of Almonds Cereal before attending the premiere of his new movie "Bobby Bigfoot Goes Beverly Hills". After drinking at the open bar, Goodmen was spotted in the alley taking turns at puking with Actor Bobby Knight.

The Unfrosted Poptart of Celebrity Monkey Business

Gossip alert! This new news is newer than the new world on Thanksgiving Day. Incredible stories up ahead, with an emphasis on edible!

First Item- Actor Renee Zelwigger spent forty five minutes last Thursday attempting to recover a drivers license that slipped out of her purse and fell into a sewer grate. She waved a long twig with chewed gum on the end through the metal bars in order to snag the dropped card, but only picked up bottle caps and a the bottom half of a discarded love note. Inside sources say that she used cotton candy flavored Bubblelicious.

Item B- Actor Bobby Flay prepared a celebrity dinner out of the back room of barbecue restaurant "Geordie LaForge", the restaurant opened by and named after the actor that portrayed Geordi LaForge on televisions Star Quest.

Item 3- At a recent, impromptu Q+A session held in the waiting room of a Jiffy Lube, Actor Mark Pellegrino admitted that, as a third grader, he did not receive a valentine card from the girl on whom he had a big crush. Did this emotional rejection drive the Actor into the Acting business? We'll bring you the answer as this story develops....

Proud Pies Cannot Cry for Argentina!

Fresh baked gossip sitting on the windowsill to cool down. Don't let your thieving neighbors and wandering hobos eat them before you get a chance to stick your thumb right into the piping hot hearts!

Item #A- Actor Michael Keaton was seen scolding Actor Lindsay Loham, after Loham was caught stealing a 5th Ave bar from a corner store in Ontario, California. Keaton, who apparently learned a thing or two about law enforcement while portraying superhero "Val Kilmer" in "Batman Forever", told Loham that rather than robbing a struggling conner store proprietor, she should dedicate her time to something more positive, like knitting sweaters for babies born with no arms.

Item 2- Local Hamburger stand Papito's Burgers and Tacos reported that Actor Dale Earnhardt, Jr, ate three hamburgers with cheese in order to impress a group of tourists waiting in line to eat at Gigi's Burgers and Things, a more popular hamburger stand down the block.

Final Item- Actor Titus Welliver was spotted breaking into the Smithsonian Museum in order to catch a glimpse of the Famed Hope Jewel. He had apparently attempted to see it during regular visiting hours, but had arrived at the museum entrance five minutes before closing time and was not allowed in. According to police, nothing was stolen.

Mr. Simpson

Today's stories contain so much juice, you'd think that a group of high school students were throwing oranges at your computer screen!

Item #1 Actor Billy Crudup paid a caricature artist working on the Universal Citywalk to draw a picture of his shirtless abdomen. The actor spent several hours in advance of the artistic session grooming his chest hairs into the logo of a Metallica tribute band that plays regularly in his hometown of Bishop, Ohio. The logo depicts a skull eating breakfast (in hell).

Item B! Actor Robert Deniro threw out a carton of milk that had expired the previous day. Not wanting his kitchen to smell like old milk, he then emptied the trash into the dumpster on the side of his apartment complex.

Last Item! Actor Titus Welliver is expected to appear in an upcoming Broadway performance of wicked as a Member of the Audience.

Item!

Actor Tom "Turner" Hanks paid Actor Ron Howard seventy five dollars to spray poison in Hanks' vegetable garden. Afterwards, the two Best Friends baked a peach pie while waiting for the gopher to die.

Item!

A rare concert played by the children of members of the Grateful Dead was attended by no fewer than 2/3s of the original Brat Pack. Actor Anthony Michael Hall was seen eating a french fry that he had picked up off the floor of the Jane Fonda Memorial Theater.

Item!

Actor Peter Fonda stopped walking on a sidewalk in East Hampton to admire a small baby in a stroller. The baby wore a shirt featuring the likeness of Actor Barack Obama.

Item!

Actor Joshua Jackson was spotted aggravating his allergy to red dye no 12 by eating a cotton candy garnish at restaurant Devoid, in Greenwich Village. Actor Billy Crudup, eating at a nearby table, mistakenly administered the Heimlich maneuver.

Item!

Actor Ron Howard was seen standing in the cereal aisle of a Ralphs with Actor Tom Sizemore. The studly duo searched through a folder of coupons in hopes of saving on Golden Grahams.

Item!

Actor Kristen Steward was spotted picking tapioca balls out of her taro flavored bubble tea and throwing them at a bus advertisement featuring a Actor Clive Owen encouraging youths to stay in school.

Item!

The Jersey Shore's Angelina is at my apartment, hooking me up with free HBO channels right now. We plant to watch Men in Black 2 tonight!

Item!

Actor Alexis Bledel reports that UNCENSORED editions of the Gilmore Girls DVDs will be released in 2011. Fans anticipate long rumored Jess/Emily bathroom makeout scene.

Item!

My company is moving to Florida, and I went to the unemployment office to collect my first check. While there, I ran into Actor Titus Welliver, who invited me to a barbecue later in the afternoon.

Item!

To promote his new line of frozen desserts, Actor Titus Welliver overnighted Actor Mark Pellegrino a box of berry popsicles, recommending that they be enjoyed by friends during tonight's Grey's Anatomy.

Item!

Actor Josh Holloway went to a hamburger restaurant with Emilie de Ravin, and ordered a side of pickles and nothing else. That's why he has the energy to swim so much.

Item!

John Carpenter's Vampires 2: John Carpenter's Mummies

Item!

Actor Mark Pellegrino drinking a San Pellegrino lemonade in jacuzzi room, before actor Evangeline Lilly brought him a rice crispy square.