Do Any Readers Need A Match?

Here's one! This blog and great Hollllllllleeeeeeeeeeeewooooooooood gossip.

Item A! While playing catch on the street in front of his parent's house, Actor Brandon "Spiderman" Routh dropped the tennis ball into the street, at which point it rolled into a gutter. The Actor asked a passing police man to help him retrieve it, but even together, the duo was no match for the depths of Torrance's sewer system.

Item #2! Actor Kevin Spacey recently signed on to a project in which he would help his wife refinish a pair of lawn chairs she had purchased at a flea market. The Actor is currently in negotiations to buy a can of paint at Home Depot.

Last Item! According to an identified source, Actor Titus Welliver literally buried a hatchet in his backyard, as a semi-humorous gesture towards friend Actor Marc Pellegrino. The "burial" symbolized the resolution of a dispute between the two over a misplaced wrist watch.

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Actor Robin Williams spent most of his Wednesday practicing lifting weighted items in order to compete in a desk moving competition later in the week.

A Sandwich Lunch with Your Hollleeeeeewooooood Pals

A big, greasy BLT (kevin Bacon, Louie anderson, danny deviTomato)

Item A! Actor Robert "Team Edward" Pattinson was spotted flirting with a girl at a gun convention in New Mexico.

Item #2! Actor Kanye West accidentally sneezed at a salad bar in Van Nuys. Close to embarrassing himself in front of his date, West made a loud joke about the the glass barrier, delighting both the lady he was with and the family of five in line behind him.

Last Item! Actor Shania Twain reportedy got into an argument with Actor Melissa Joan Hart over who had spilled a glass of cranberry juice onto a mutual friend's brand new off-white carpet.

Bursting with Oozing Celebrity Goodness!

Holleeewooooood Newzzzz: Now that you're an adult, your parents can't stop you from enjoying it!

First Item! Actor Michael J. Focks was recently detained by security officers at a hockey game for sneaking outside food into the Anaheim Pond. After the Actor promised to throw the offending food (sources say Clark Bars) into the rubbish bin, the Actor was escorted back to his seats. The Ducks lost 3-0.

Item #2! Actor Will Paxton was spotted carrying a small child in his arms at a park in Los Angeles. Sources could not confirm if it was his child, or even if he has a child. More on this story as it develops...

Item C! Actor Titus Welliver ran out of milk today, and was forced to go to work without having eaten his Honey Nut Cheerios. The bowl of dry cereal remained, according to reports, untouched on his kitchen table for the remainder of the day and into the evening.

"Walk This Way (on this walk of fame)"

That is a lyric from an Arrowsmith song, which is sung in the style of Actor Liv Tyler's father.

Item A! Actor Bruce Willis offered a $3000 reward to any Malibu resident that had information about his missing Siamese Cat, Sweetie. The cat is brown with black and darker brown spots.

Item Middle! Actor Emilio "A Million" Estevez was stopped by police officers for (ironically) pausing too long at a stop sign on Wilshire.

Item 3! Actor Marc Pellegrino purchased a pack of "instant" cauliflower risotto at Trader Joe's last Thursday night, after deciding that he was too tired to prepare risotto from scratch.

Can't Be Bothered with a Movie's Gross, Because Holleeeeewooooood Actors Are the Opposite of Gross!

They are pretty for sure, and don't you forget it!

Item To Start! Actor Jaret Ledo was heard to use a racial slur against Eskimos while emceeing a beauty pageant in Southern Massachussets. The slur was only a part of a larger comment, in which the famed Actor referenced igloos and the size of the bricks of ice that are used to make them.

Item #B! Actor Billy D. Williams was recently spotted lying out on a blanket on the Lido Deck of a cruise ship. When approached by a group of young girls, Williams informed them that yes, he was still single.

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver recently rode in the front car of a roller coaster at Six Flags's Magical Mountain Theme Park, in Valencia, California. Sources close to the actor say that he had received two free passes after having the oil of his car changed at a Jiffy Lube. Who did Welliver give the second free ticket to? None other than Good Friend and Lost Co-Star Actor Marc Pellegrino.

Celebrity Gum Cleanings To Prevent Gingivitis!

It's the only way to keep those camera friendly smiles shining whitely!

Item #A! Actor William H. Macy's was spotted drinking a beer at a bar in New Hampshire, near the ocean.

Center Item! Actor Daniel DeVito recently acquired his piloting license, after several years of studious training and practice-filled lessons from a professional pilot.

Item 3! Actor Anna Torv recently crossed paths with fellow Fox Star Actor David Boreanaz at an event held to celebrate famous celebrities. The two exchanged pleasantries, before Boreanaz continued into the hallway on his way to the bathroom.

Item!

Actor Katie Homes recently visited an orphanage to show off her talents to poor, sad children.

The Early Celebrity Gets the W.O.R.M. Award!

(Winner of Reasonable Merit (in the field of acting))

Item A! Actor Bill Murray recently announced his intention to wash the dishes that have been sitting in his sink all week. "They aren't going to clean themselves," he said, while moving his eyes towards his wife, Helen Murray, who was sitting on a couch in the next room.

Item #2!Actor Ellen Degerenes was spotted building a sand castle in a park with Actor Colin Hanks. Inside sources indicate that the two have been friends since meeting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Item Finale! Actor Titus Welliver launched a new line of Celebrity Perfumes. According to the promotional material, the designers attempted to capture the Actor's "Swarthy Brisketness."

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Australian Actor Mel Gibsen enjoyed a delicious tea lunch with good friend and fellow Australian Actor Arnold Schwarzenneger. The two shared photographs from their recent, extended family luncheon events, and marveled at the similarities between their relatives.

Celebrities Traffic in Talent Smuggling!

Then where on their skinny frames do they hide all of that acting ability?

Item #1! Actor Michael Douglas was spotted windsurfing in Paraguay. According to sources close to the Actor, he was sporting something of a small bathing suit while gliding across the surface of the ocean.

Centered Item! Actor William Shadner ordered a grackhughnon from a catalog specializing in decorative items with unusual names.

Item C! Actor Chloe Kardashian recently endorsed a line of snack-sacks that contain sugared liquid flavored like famous celebrity foods, including Actor Gwenyth Paltrow's goat cheese ravioli and Millionaire Mark Zuckerberg's "favorite" cranberry tarts.

Diva's Check Your Attitude At the Door....

Because this is gossip country, and the one rule is sharing secrets about celebrity lifestyles!

First Item! Actor Michael Ian Black was spotted buying a bouquet of roses at a florist for a mystery girl. Speculation has run rampant that the Star may be involved with none other than Actor Milo Kunis. The pair were seen canoodling over Mai Tai cocktails at an identified bar.

Item 2! Actor Vincent Diesel recently announced that he had purchased a controlling interest in a small, fine chocolate company based out of Cape Cod, Mass. The Actor went on to say that he planned to visit the operation twice a year, to ensure that the chocolate was "up to snuff."

Item #C! Actor Titus Welliver recently viewed cheetah cats from behind a fence at the San Diego zoo. More on this story as it develops...

Contractually, The Celebrities Are Obligated To Be Here!

It's all in the fine print! And now, here is some finer print!

Item #1! Representatives of Actor Natalie Portkemon announced that the Actor will be walking down Hollywood Blvd in Los Angeles, at Three PM next Tuesday, and requested that photographers not take any pictures of her during her stroll.

Item B! Actor Jennifer Connelly was spotted bying Q-Tips at a Rite Aid Convenience Store in Burbank.

Item Finale! Actor Marc Pellegrino spent four dollars to take a ferry across a local body of water.

If Celebrities were added to an "Old West" Ghost Town, Then it Would Become an "Old Best" Ghost Town!

And if celebrities were added to the "Dark" Ages, then it would become the "Shimmering and Glamorous" Ages! Just saying is all...

Item #A! Actor Christine "Ben Stiller's Wive" Taylor was spotted applying sun block to her arms and stomach on the shore in Huntington Beach. Sources close to the Actor say that she was using SPF 15. Holleeeewooood Experts say that this is not enough SPFs for someone of Taylor's fair complexion.

Center Item! Actor Matthew Damen was seen extinguishing a fire with a fire extinguisher. The fire apparently started when one of Damen's co-workers left a plate of spaghetti in the break room microwave for too long.

Item 3! Actor Titus Welliver recently appeared in the waiting room of a dentists office. Reportedly, the Actor was there to have publicity x-ray photos taken of his teeth, so that he can prove to casting directors that the interior of his skull is as handsome as the exterior.

Carpooling is So Much More Fun with a Celebrity or Two in the Passenger Seat!

Pack those stars and starlets into a sedan, mini-van, truck, station wagon or small hatchbacked hybrid! It doesn't matter, as long as the drive ends in Hollleeeeeeewooooooooooooooooooood!

Item #1 Actor Meg Gryan was spotted stopping her car in the middle of a cross walk while she exited the 2 freeway in Echo Park. An old, obese man in glasses and walking a dog was forced to walk around the Actor's car while giving her a dirty look.

Middle Item! Actor Billy Campbell recently invested in a restaurant, along with fellow actors Actor Paul Rudd and Actor Ashley Judd, that will specialize in Swiss cheese sandwiches served with salamis. (To our domestic readers, Swiss cheese is the one with the holes.)

Item C! An identified source reportedly waited in line behind Actor Titus Welliver to buy Cranberries Reunion tour tickets.

Actor Phil Collins and Other Famous Celebs Are "In The Air Tonight"

No one can drum a drum like Collins, and no one can spread gossip better than Holllllllllleeeeeeeeeeewooooooooood Newzzzzzz!

Item First! Actor Billy Corrgan was spotted picking pieces of cilantro out of a kobe beef taco at a charity event held in honor of Bone Thinners Disease!

Item B! After ordering a pizza from Restaurant Dominos, Actor Shawn Wayans reportedly answered the front door of his apartment wearing a hat bearing the slogan, "Party Criminal." Next to the words was a picture of a man in handcuffs.

Item #3! Actor Demi Moore was uninvited to a party at Actor Titus Welliver's house, because she had recently broken up with Welliver's friend, Actor Marc Pellegrino.

Item!

Actor Mark Hammill recently announced that he opened a website business dedicated to posting pictures of the interesting rocks and leaves that the Actor finds near his home in Connecticut.

Item!

Sources close to Actor Clint Eastwood say that the celebrity received a correspondence from good friend, Actor John Laraquette. The letter, which had been sealed in an envelope, outlined future plans to visit a city in the Mediterranean portion of the world.

Item!

Actor Kelsey Gramma was spotted enjoying a shwarma sandwich from a cart parked outside of the Museum of Natural History in New York City. When asked about it, the actor described it as "just the thing [he] needed."

Diagonally Dressed Brooke Burke Brings Diabolically Delightful Dishes aBout Breathtaking Beauties!

Checkerboard Aliteration? Check! Absolutely inCredible Circumstantial Accusations? eAsy As A B C's, BABy!

Item To Begin! Actor Ron Howard invited close friend actor William Dafoe over for a business lunch. The two friends appreciated that they spent more time discussing their families than the film that they will soon be working on together.

Item #2! Actor Harrison Ford and wife Actor Calista Flockheart were spotted taking advantage of California's winter warmth at San Dimas waterpark Raging Waters over the weekend.

Item C! Actor Evangeline Lilly sent back a bowl of chili she had ordered at Four Star Restaurant Animal in Los Angeles. The reason? The Actor is allergic to Navy Beans. More on this story as it develops.

Item!

Actor slash Grammie Award Winner Maria Carrey poured too much gravy onto her mashed potatoes at a Holiday dinner, held in Ontario, Canada!

Bend it Like Becker!

Cheers to all of our readers from Actor Ted Danson, today's special "'rich uncle' apprentice gossiper" and star of television's "Harry and the Hendersons." (He wasn't in the movie.)

Item #1! Actor Kelvin Klein was waiting in line in front of a pregnant woman at a Starbucks in Redondo Beach.

Item in the Middle! Actor Bridget Fonda recently announced that she would be selling two pairs of "almost new" sneakers and an old hammock at her garage sale this weekend. When asked to clarify her statement by a reporter, the Actor explained that her husband had purchased a new hammock, and that they were hoping to recoup some of the money spent on it by selling the old hammock.

Item C! At a charity art auction held at a house designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, Actor Titus Welliver was spotted driving around the block several times while looking for parking.

Two thousand and eleven celebrities gather to wish you a happy Sunday!

All in unison, these stars, ranging from Actor Betsy White to Actor Christina Hendrickson, say "Happy New Week" to you, the readers of this celebrated gossip blog.

First Item! Actor David Boreanaz recovered from a delightful and exciting Holiday weekend by staying in bed and reading the newspaper. The Actor skipped reading the Sports section because he planned to catch up with his favorite football teams by watching a television report, scheduled for later in the afternoon.

Item #2! Actor William "Billy" Crystal was spotted ordering steak frites at a French Restaurant in Santa Monica. The actor was spotted dunking his fries in Ketchup, a move that is reminiscent of his early days of growing up in America.

Item C! Actor Jaleel White recently appeared in a news article about a barber shop that opened in his neighborhood.